I am not a nerd. I don't know a lot of nerds. I'm not even sure if I mean nerd. I'm not nerdy enough to know if it's geeks that I mean. I'm definitely not a geek, either.
I went to some schools this week to check them out and when one of the teachers pulled out a whiteboard and started talking about interactive maths, I made my excuses and left. You may have guessed I'm not a maths wizard either. I've earned my own money since I modelled as a child. I would always budget for Christmas and what I've wanted to buy, I can run a household on practically nothing, and know how to furnish a home on what I earn. That's the extent of maths that I know.
However, when someone calls me up and says they have a few jobs for me this week and one of them is riding a bike, I'm there. I'm a more physical, active type. Or I thought I was. I was pencilled in on a bike riding job and it occurred to me that I haven't ridden one for a while... If people were going to be snapping photos I really needed to make sure I was wearing a happy smile and not a worried concentrated look. I plotted my secret forays into Boris bike territory after dark to practice... I'd probably need a few goes to make it appear that I ride bikes all the live long day. What if I fell off on the day, and everyone started to see me as a fraud. I spent far too long worrying about it. I got someone to come with me so that I could pass it off as a joke.
I was relieved when the job got called off, and I was handed a day at Excel instead. Promo work... Yes, that's more like it... Oh wait... Star Trek Q&A...
Maybe I'd find out what a nerd was, finally. I turned up at Excel ready for what the day would bring. The first person I met was impossibly chatty. "What are YOU going to be doing... Who are YOU looking after?" she boomed. I explained that I'd just turned up and hadn't had a briefing yet. She went on to point out the table with the beverages on it... "Let's GET a COFFEE!" I was starting to assume that people at this sort of event were OVERLY exCITed about THINGS.
As she poured herself one, she explained that she'd already had a few and I saw her hands trembling... "I've NEVER been HERE before" she explained. Then added, unnecessarily "I'm SOOO nervous".
The only briefing I'd had was that I finished at 7pm and started at 1. A guy turned up who began asking us to group together so I thought perhaps this was the briefing. He spent 15 minutes drumming his pen on the table and admitted that he didn't have a clue what came next but warned me that I'd be 'doing the Q&A' which panicked me no end. I don't know anything about Star Trek, how was I going to answer questions... I was actually only in charge of the mic so that the audience could be heard by the panel.
The showed the movie, or maybe it was the new one, or an old one, or maybe it was the TV series, I have no idea. An older guy sat next to me, which I thought was a bit forward so I moved away. I later found out he was either the producer or director so I must have seemed very rude.
To prove I've been on the crew I reproduce here in black and white my pass. So that you can't reproduce it and get in for the rest of the exhibition. I do care, see.
I'm still none the wiser about what a geek is.
Anyway, today I went back to physical activity by engaging in a strenuous bout of boxercise, which allowed me to put on a pair of boxing gloves and punch the living hell out of a hanging bag. I'd recommend it to anyone. Best stressbuster I know. There are no photos of me wearing the gloves, nor the look on my face while I was punching. I'm guessing it's the same concentrated look I'd have had if I'd ever got on that Boris bike. So it's not for public consumption.
See you soon.
I went to some schools this week to check them out and when one of the teachers pulled out a whiteboard and started talking about interactive maths, I made my excuses and left. You may have guessed I'm not a maths wizard either. I've earned my own money since I modelled as a child. I would always budget for Christmas and what I've wanted to buy, I can run a household on practically nothing, and know how to furnish a home on what I earn. That's the extent of maths that I know.
However, when someone calls me up and says they have a few jobs for me this week and one of them is riding a bike, I'm there. I'm a more physical, active type. Or I thought I was. I was pencilled in on a bike riding job and it occurred to me that I haven't ridden one for a while... If people were going to be snapping photos I really needed to make sure I was wearing a happy smile and not a worried concentrated look. I plotted my secret forays into Boris bike territory after dark to practice... I'd probably need a few goes to make it appear that I ride bikes all the live long day. What if I fell off on the day, and everyone started to see me as a fraud. I spent far too long worrying about it. I got someone to come with me so that I could pass it off as a joke.
I was relieved when the job got called off, and I was handed a day at Excel instead. Promo work... Yes, that's more like it... Oh wait... Star Trek Q&A...
Maybe I'd find out what a nerd was, finally. I turned up at Excel ready for what the day would bring. The first person I met was impossibly chatty. "What are YOU going to be doing... Who are YOU looking after?" she boomed. I explained that I'd just turned up and hadn't had a briefing yet. She went on to point out the table with the beverages on it... "Let's GET a COFFEE!" I was starting to assume that people at this sort of event were OVERLY exCITed about THINGS.
As she poured herself one, she explained that she'd already had a few and I saw her hands trembling... "I've NEVER been HERE before" she explained. Then added, unnecessarily "I'm SOOO nervous".
The only briefing I'd had was that I finished at 7pm and started at 1. A guy turned up who began asking us to group together so I thought perhaps this was the briefing. He spent 15 minutes drumming his pen on the table and admitted that he didn't have a clue what came next but warned me that I'd be 'doing the Q&A' which panicked me no end. I don't know anything about Star Trek, how was I going to answer questions... I was actually only in charge of the mic so that the audience could be heard by the panel.
The showed the movie, or maybe it was the new one, or an old one, or maybe it was the TV series, I have no idea. An older guy sat next to me, which I thought was a bit forward so I moved away. I later found out he was either the producer or director so I must have seemed very rude.
To prove I've been on the crew I reproduce here in black and white my pass. So that you can't reproduce it and get in for the rest of the exhibition. I do care, see.
I'm still none the wiser about what a geek is.
Anyway, today I went back to physical activity by engaging in a strenuous bout of boxercise, which allowed me to put on a pair of boxing gloves and punch the living hell out of a hanging bag. I'd recommend it to anyone. Best stressbuster I know. There are no photos of me wearing the gloves, nor the look on my face while I was punching. I'm guessing it's the same concentrated look I'd have had if I'd ever got on that Boris bike. So it's not for public consumption.
See you soon.
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